I read in the newspaper this morning that parents and teachers are concerned about broadband internet being available in classrooms because it might prove detrimental to learning.

You reckon?

Here are the top ten things that distract me from getting any writing done. Ever. In order:

1. The internet generally. So pregnant with possibilities. So educational. So easy to write off as "research" or "inspiration".

2. Email. Combined with The Guilt of not writing is The Secondary Guilt of not getting back to amusing friends you do not deserve in the first place on account of points 1 - 10.

3. Facebook. So boring, so uninspiring, and yet so constantly in need of being checked just in case someone has set their status to "____ is pregnant" or similar.

4. Text messages and social life - or, more recently, deterrence of social life. The preventing of a social life in order that I may proceed further as an antisocial writer locked in a hermitage, all of which is proved redundant on account of numbers 1 - 10.

5. Bills, rent, going shopping, getting haircuts (once a year if being particularly diligent) - all of which I do with a great deal of resentment because I am not writing. Which I don't do much anyway, as you can see from points 1 - 10.

6. Cleaning and organising things because deadlines are pending. EG cleaning computer keyboards with toothbrushes or organising books according to Dewey Decimal Classification system. (I'm just kidding, obviously. My books are alphabetised into sections. You borrow one and you may need to fill out a form.)

7. Writing here on this very site - see those extra long entries recently? I was supposed to be doing something on those days. I was supposed to be really cracking the back of my work on those days. Those days were days that had been carefully put aside for the creating of new and exciting Standing There Productions projects. Yup. Sure did have a lot to do on those days.

8. Youtube. Particularly Japanese gameshows. Also political speeches. See "research", above.

9. Doing paid work, getting excercise, doing anything really that can fit neatly on the "virtuous" side of the ledger rather than the "YOU ARE BETRAYING YOURSELF" side of the ledger.

10. Watching DVDs and films. See reference to "research", above.

So yes, look, if I were a student I'd be arguing for broadband in the classroom, but for crying out loud, they already watch The Simpsons on their iPods when they're supposed to be learning about fractions. For the sake of the children, ban the internet!

PS. Thanks to Paul and Rits for their favourite MIFF lists. We must have gone to three separate film festivals. Can't wait to see the general releases when they come out. I see in the paper today that MIFF met its budget, which it won't reveal. That must be nice for them! I SPENT MINE! God, next year, let's remember to PACK SANDWICHES, guys.

Here's some advice: go outside and enjoy the sky.

Today is lovely.

Try riding your bike.

The ABC has run with "Woman Appointed to High Court" as their headline today.

Reminds me of Simpsonsesque headlines such as "Crazed Albino Monkey Appointed Speaker In Parliament".

Funny that they didn't run with "Government-Approved Political Conservative Appointed to High Court"... but then who am I to judge. I'm a woman.

I don't know if it's the novelty wearing off (this is my second year with a full festival pass) but this year's MIFF was ALMOST completely uninspiring.

What makes me say almost is the documentaries. Other than the documentaries and a few stand-out films (Teeth and Eagle Versus Shark which will get a release anyway) there was nothing but bleak, grim, and baffling.

Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. So long as there's something to counter-balance it. (I have to be careful here because I suspect film funding in this country at least is dependent on the liberal use of the words "bleak" and "harrowing" in 100 word synopses).

But, as we can see from the most seriously bleak subject matters (for example War Tapes, a gruesome documentary about the Iraq war which actually had the audience laughing), there has to be a point to the bleak and harrowing, or else at least some degrees within it (some unharrowing non-bleak elbow room) in order for an audience to gain anything from the experience. Otherwise, one gets the impression that life is comprised of silent brooding individuals bursting with malcontent, wandering barren landscapes with bare limbs and a latent sexual yearning.

Just saying. It's a style. I find it boring. Bit of variety would be nice.

I hereby rate some of the films I saw according to the above rant:

4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days - bleak (about abortion), includes silent brooding and mild malcontent. A Bleakness rating of 8.5 (some hope for humanity hinted at through main character). My rating: 5 (points for actually telling a story and for the way it was shot, which made Stewart want to move to Budapest).

Zoo - bleak (about "animal lovers" if you get my bleak and harrowing drift), includes music that would drive the will to live out of most people, also contains dark and brooding re-enactment scenes. Actually a pretty ordinary documentary - badly put together.

Once - mildly bleak but thick layers of optimism through the ludicrously optimistic medium of song. Bleakness rating: 3 (everyone looked cold and poor and their lives were in ruins). My rating: 5 (would be more but the motion of the camera made me want to hurl on the person in front of me). Very pleased it ended the way it did, which was both bleak and also not bleak.

Also, don't Irish people sound gorgeous when they say the word "gorgeous"?

Lost in Bejing - holds the honour of being the only film I walked out of. Bleakity bleak bleak. Worse still: bleak without purpose. Also, any film that supposes rape is funny and we don't ever find out why (I got someone to tell me the ending) is in my opinion a shit film. Bleak rating 9 (but I feel this gives it too much street cred - it wasn't even TRYING to be bleak. It thought it was funny and endearing. Which made it accidentally bleak. Which is somehow worse). My rating: 0.5 (that's because there was a scene with the husband singing while he ate noodles which reminded me of someone I liked once).

Great World Of Sound - flat, depressing, predictable, infuriating. I heard someone trying to explain the point of it to someone else afterwards and their friend replied, "But so what?" So what indeed. It was about people who were conned, which is interesting if a) the con is interesting or b) it's an actual documentary (like Conman Confidential, which was excellent). Bleakness rating: 8.5 (low rating due to pointlessness of bleakness reducing bleakness impact). My rating: zero. Should have left for this one too, but thought the ending might be a zinger. Ha. Ha. Ha.

9 Star Hotel - had the advantage of being a documentary, so at least it's a TRUE bleak situation. About Palestinians working illegally on Israeli housing construction. Bleakness rating: 7. Mine: 3.

Hot House - again at least it was a bleak documentary. About Hamas being operated from Israeli jails. Bleakness rating: 6. Mine: 4, just because listening to people talk about suicide bombing on behalf of future generations is something you don't come across too often in the western media.

Wrestling With Angels: Tony Kutchner. Documentary about a playwright. Bleakness rating: 0.5. My rating: 7 (documentary too long and not that brilliant but subject matter carried it).

Your Mommy Kills Animals. Documentary about animal welfare and animal rights groups with a terrorist twist. Bleakness rating: 1 (all questions were answered - all bleak and harrowing possibilities were explained and you knew what to do with them... where to go next, what needed addressing etc. Bleakness with direction.) My rating: 8.5

Beyond Our Ken - brilliant documentary. This is one of the hopes of the side this year. Bleakness rating: 1 (if only because stuff like that happens to people like Cornelia Rau, but it's not super bleak due to the fact that things like this documentary exist to present alternative viewpoints for people - such as several in the audience - who need to question kenja). Check it out, this will get a release. My rating: 10.

We Are Together - documentary about South African AIDS orphans singing. Kind of like Choir of Hard Knocks but South African and the orphanage burns to the ground while people die of HIV infections and Paul Simon pats people on the heads. Bleakness rating: I would say 5 but actually 2 because the uplifting elements and the clever construction of the docco mean it never feels flat or drifty. My rating 9.

Sicko - docco. Coming out in a minute (another problem with this year's film festival - what do you MEAN they were trying to get The Simpsons Movie as the opener??). Bleakness rating: 1 (outweighed by humour - thanks Mike). My rating 9.

The Boy On The Galloping Horse - bleak story about noncommunicative family bursting with unsaid long-buried discontent, headed nowhere, through beautiful scenery. Very surprised to see it didn't receive funding from any Australian film bodies, but I guess there were no lakes photographed and nobody glanced upwards towards a blistering sun at any point, so it probably missed out due to those oversights. And, you know, it's not Autralian. But then, neither is Spielberg and his projects get subsidised. Bleakness rating 10. Mine: 1.

Grace Is Gone - great film about a war widower (John Cusack). Bleakness rating 6. Mine: 9 (bleakness tempered by sensitive handling of subject matter, lovely performances, nonbleak ending).

Conman Confidential - documentary about conmen. Bleakness rating 1. Mine: 9.5.

The Hottest State - Ethan Hawke's film. Bleakness rating 1. Mine: 9. I was so glad to be watching a film that wasn't "harrowing" that my rating of this might be tempered by glee. Still, liked it. Shut up.

The Cats of Mirikitani - yay - documentary which addresses historical and cultural bleakness AND personal triumphs in a way that isn't remotely patronising or sentimental! Huzzah! Bleakness rating: 0. Mine: 10.

Interview - Steve Buchemi attempting to be Woody Allen. Bleakess rating: 1. Mine: 4.5.

Time - South Korean film about plastic surgery. Bleakness: 5 but add 1 for baffling WTF element. Me: 3.

How Is Your Fish Today? Baffling, bleak, scenery implying world failing to understand inner turmoil unexpressed by anyone. Bleakness: 8.5. Me: 1.

Yella. Oh shut up you bleak, baffling, pointless, meandering, beautiful, wafting thing. B: 10. M: 1.

There are about fifteen more but WHO CARES!

Now, back to our usual programming.

Deadlines! Huzzah!

It is very depressing to (in the midst of one of your more depressing bouts of writer's block) sit back in your chair at the State Library and think to yourself, "I can't concentrate with all that noise", only to wander down to the source of the commotion and read the sign that says "PREMIER'S LITERARY AWARDS SHORTLIST ANNOUNCEMENT".

Do you ever sometimes think the world is trying to tell you something?

How glorious must it feel to gain national press coverage for stirring the foreign minister into accusing a seventeen year old of being a Labor Party hack... I know it's the kind of thing I used to dream of when I was at school.

Check it out.

A Canberra Times article opens with the delicious sentence: "In an astonishing outburst, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer yesterday accused a 17-year-old Canberra schoolboy of being a stooge for the Labor Party."

... but my favourite is the closer from the Sydney Morning Herald:

Alexander later made a point of shaking Mr Downer's hand and denied being affiliated with any political party. He said he thought the minister was being a "bit paranoid".

Apeeeheeee!

I reckon Alex is right on the money.

PS Why is this TV show not in regular prime time?

Check this out.

It might just be the pointless new layout of The Age online today but my God the news is odd. What with this article about a giant lego man coming "from the direction of England" and being "later placed behind a drinks stall" (huh?), a woman with the pencil in her brain (see below) and the fact that Geelong is apparently just like Baghdad, you would think there was nothing important to discuss.

Like, I dunno, this or this teensy little story here.

Giant Lego man. Got to love the dudes who thought they'd chuck that into the sea and see what happened.