I visited my mum. My mum is lovely. She makes me tea and gets the giggles with me and remembers who all my friends are. Sometimes, though, one wonders.

MY MUM: So these auditions - what do you wear?

ME: I wear comfortable clothes, just like the actors.

MY MUM: As comfortable as what you’re wearing?

ME: This is fine.

MY MUM: You should wear something nice. You don’t want to put people off.

ME: Mum!

MY MUM: (Two brief sniffs). You stink, Lozz.

ME: (Expletive) I had onion on my pizza!

MY MUM: (Benignly leaving the room) I’m saying because I care.

I am currently wearing tracksuit pants with holes in them and a T shirt with yoghurt on it. This is my writing outfit. It’s hot. Thanks to mum I am now going to have to schedule at least five minutes into my already packed schedule so that I can wear something less alarming and “stinky” to the auditions this afternoon. I hope it’s appreciated.

PS. I bet that Lord of the Rings guy doesn’t have put up with this crap.